It was time for my annual eye doctor appointment, so this
past week I found myself sitting in a dim room, chatting with a friendly
nurse. The small talk lasted a few
minutes and after laughing about kids and husband stories, she glanced at my
chart and turned to me…
“So you’re a high-school math teacher?”
I froze.
It’s been a while since the decision was made and I’ve had
two beautiful months of summer break to ease into the idea, but I still have
times of confusion and sadness when I remember I’m not going back to teaching
this fall.
Back in March, I approached my principal and superintendent
with a proposal to keep my part-time schedule for another year or two. After a few weeks and a lot of drama, I
was denied my request and forced to make a huge decision.
I chose to resign.
Everyone has defining labels, some are chosen and some are
given to us. I have officially
been ‘a math teacher’ for six years, but to be honest, it goes back much
further. I knew what I wanted my
career to be when I was in high school and as soon as I started college
classes, I identified myself as a teacher. As life goes on, I learn more about myself and continually
add new labels to my identity.
Whether we like it or not, we are categorized and labeled throughout our
entire lives.
What took me by surprise was that I would swap one of my most
defining labels for a new one:
Stay-At-Home Mom
Did you know we have our own acronym? I’m now a “SAHM”
instead of “high school math teacher” (or “Satan” as some former students had
fondly named me).
I get a lot of mixed reactions when people hear my big
news. When other SAHMs find out,
the reaction is “Oh! You must be so excited!” Friends without kids react more along the lines of “Ummm,
wow. That’ll be a change.” And my personal favorite is the random look of *you
are crazy* while smiling and saying “Fuuuunn.” The thing is, I haven’t figured out how I am reacting. Am I excited to stay home? Am I sad
about leaving the high school? Am I relieved to pack up my room? Or am I
panicked to swap grading papers for play-dates and baby talk?
D. All of the above
I am terrified to walk away from this part of my identity…
even if it is temporary. I never
thought I would choose to be a SAHM, but I always knew I would be a
teacher. It’s a scary transition
and I don’t know if anyone is ever completely ready to make the jump. But I’m doing it. Bring on the
play-dates and trips to the library.
My own mother was a stay-at-home mom and I have to give her
credit… she rocked it. We had
magical days at the park and countless trips to ‘Story-time’ (at multiple
libraries I might add). So when the end of August rolls around, even though I might be sad and feel a little confined by
this new identity, I’m going to embrace it. I’m excited to spend the days with Henry (and the new baby
once October rolls around) so I’m going to focus on that and remember that my
‘high-school teacher’ label is just sitting in storage for a while, waiting for
the year I choose to put it back on.
"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice
will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make."
~Gordon B. Hinkley
