One of my seniors has been contemplating joining the
military after graduation. Her
boyfriend is already serving, so she has been going back and forth on her
decision, weighing the pros and cons during discussions with her friends. Eventually, her curiosity got the best
of her and she turned to me and asked what my feelings were about the military.
Little did she know, that was the very question I had been
wrestling with for almost two weeks now.
How do I feel about the military? Well, sometimes I love it… and
sometimes I hate it.
That’s right, I love and hate the military of the United States of America.
Now before you brush me off as just another peace-loving,
flower-child liberal, you need to know that I have been in a relationship with
the U.S. Air Force for the last eleven years. I’ve mailed letters every day during basic training,
celebrated Christmas on a military base in Texas, cooked turkey for airmen in
Mississippi, and stayed home for countless trainings and guard weekends. In 2014, my husband spent more time
with fellow airmen then he did with me. Over the course of our marriage, he has been gone for
slightly more than 54 weeks.
An entire year of my marriage has been spent alone.
I don’t sit here typing this with a ‘woe-is-me’
attitude. I accept this life. I love my husband and who he has become
through his military experiences. So
what do I tell this young lady?
Well, I’m going to stick with the honest truth… this life is HARD.
I know, I know… just like Eric Matthews tells us:
I do have love for the Air Force. I’m grateful for the opportunities my husband has had, the
freedom I enjoy every day, blah, blah, blah…
But that is not my reality right now.
Right now, I’m overly anxious thinking about the 10-day trip
right around the corner.
Thankfully, his job as a firefighter has me practiced in the art of
midnight diaper changes on my own, but this will be the longest I’ve been
without him since Henry was born.
10 days pre-Henry? What a
joke! 10-days post-Henry? I’m gonna need more wine.
Once I make it through this training experience, I get a bit
of a breather… but the problem is, the big D-word is popping up more and
more. (‘deployment’ for you
non-military types)
I thought being a military wife was tough, but I never understood
what it meant to be a military wife AND mother at the same time. Hats off to those moms (and dads) out
there doing it on their own during deployments and training. I have this friend from high school…
let’s call her Jane… and she married her military man only one year
after graduation. The year after
that, this brave woman welcomed her first baby. Now, almost 11 year later, she lives in paradise with her
husband and two girls… over 4,000 miles from our small hometown. In high school, I was unable to move
past the petty drama and appreciate this woman and her unnerving strength. Today, as a wife and mother, I am empowered
by her story. I look at the sacrifices
she made and the challenges she still faces… if Jane can do it so can I.
When I focus in on my anxiety, my love/hate relationship
with the military is not really the cause. I am secretly terrified of the changes happening in my life.
As a mother, I feel fragile in this new skin and I’m frightened to upset the
peace I’ve just barely settled into.
With this training coming up, followed by a long deployment, I know my
world is once more about to alter.
I pray for the strength and courage to transform.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on
fighting the old, but on building the new.” - Socrates
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